As You Never Was

I want to remember you
not as you were but never was.
Your obvious playful desire
could always get my applause.

But I do not wish at all
to remember your silence
when I asked for a reason
which drives me to near violence.

I will not remember your insults
when you didn't know words to say.
Nor will I recall your stubbornness
which blossomed more each day.

I choose to just remember
how you actually never acted
by never soothing the pain
you often easily extracted.

I want to remember you
not as you were but never was.
Not the way you often acted
but as any other lover does.

I do not wish to set to memory
how you could ignore my needs
not give even one response
turning your back on my pleads.

No way I want to recall
the selfishness you gave
or how you lead me on
to become a loving slave.

I don't wish to see
the sorry picture of romance
That lopsided devotion
anyone could see at a glance.

I'll remember you in other ways
but not in how you actually were.
I'll create a lie to have as a memory
something better I would prefer.

Only a fool would like to keep
disrespect and painful thought
as the best of memories
of a romance for naught.

Nope, ain't no way for me
to keep all those pitiful slights
as part of the sweet recall
of occasional sensual nights.

How can one offer romance
yet, leave the soul at bay
promising more love to come
but pushing it farther away.

I have no desire to call up
the distant silent stare
not even to look at me
just like I were not there.

Why would anyone wish
to subject their heart and soul
to punishment so easily given
as if sinking in some giant hole.

No way can it be allowed
to mar the desire to have you sweet
and always such a delicious view
in knowing you're good to eat.

I'll just hold on to who you weren't
instead of letting the truth bleed through
just bury those painful memories
and recall an alternate you.

Del Cano 2008 June